what do i wish for?

It is the super full moon tonight.  They say if you send out your desires to the universe during a full moon, it boosts your vibration frequencies and amplifies your wishes.  It's rather like breathing. Breathe out~ the full moon sends out your desires.  Breathe in~ the new moon pulls your desire for manifestation.  I'm not sure what that really means.  But I can send out desires to the universe.

 
What do I wish for?

I close my eyes and see myself floating on waves, ripples.  I am warm and safe, at peace.  I am sending out those waves in all directions, starting with a single water droplet, which sends out ripples of love and peace to all the world.  I see it rippling out, a rainbow of ripples growing into waves, rolling softly toward the horizon in all directions.

I picture it comforting people, giving hope. I sense it creates a connection with all humanity and greater life.  I picture people with malice having a change of heart, for the bigger purpose of love.

My waves join all the ripples from all good people around the world, creating good change.  My little ripples of love become bigger waves over time and distance, gathering strength and power from all that is good in the universe.  Each individual, small like me, creates bigger waves of love and peace.  As all the ripples meet around the world, the drops and riverlets intertwine like fingers clasping, holding hands of friends, gathering more strength.  


 
This goodness is spreading.  Love is gathering, joining hands, drawing the whole human family together, the angels, free-spirits, poets, lovers, musicians, wide-eyed children, wise aged ones with wrinkles, believers, dreamers, hippies, activists, truth seekers, star-seeds, tree-huggers, light workers, indigos and crystals, seers and peace keepers.




 

We are all holding hands as one, and our purpose is one~ love, light, truth.  Our ripples are gathering and becoming an ocean roar.  We stand united and strong, together in love.

my clumsy body

I am filled with words- thoughts, ideas, energy, music, and life.

But I struggle with my physical being.  I open my mouth and the thoughts come out jumbled, disconnected.

 

I hear the song, but my fingers can't play it right.  I feel the music, deeply resonating within me, but my clumsy body is heavy and awkward.  I can't move with it, dance with it.  The music dances inside me, I feel the rhythm, harmony, movement, but my feet trip.

In my last life I was perhaps a mermaid; fluid, graceful, smooth, moving like a symphony, singing in harmony with the waves... but here I have land legs.  I want to open my arms and share the energy, words, love.  But instead I say something dumb and walk into the wall.

blossoming

I would like to blossom like a flower. To gently push up through the earth toward the sun, carefully open up petal by petal, unwrapping, unfolding, uncovering, exposing the delicate colors of each petal to the sun.

I would breathe life from the earth, draw love from the warm ground, everything to sustain me would fill me up from the inside, and give me life, and I would breathe out that perfect healing sustaining love, back out into the world.

Breathing in love, breathing out love.  I would become a torus of love and good energy.  And that would be enough to change the world.

my all-time favorite soul happy song list

in no particular order...

Mad World-    Adam Lambert
One of these Things-    Nick Drake
Good Souls-    Starsailer
Gypsy-    Fleetwood Mac
Dog Days Are Over-    Florence and the Machines
Taxicab-    Vampire Weekend
Going to California-    Led Zeppelin
Poor Misguided Fools-    Starsailer
Don't Give Up-    Peter Gabriel
The Way of Love-    Charlie Peacock
Concerning the UFO Sighting-    Sufjan Stevens
Mushaboom-    Feist
You Don't Know Me-    Ben Folds
Book of Love-    Peter Gabriel
Love Cats-    The Cure
Here Comes the Sun-  Beatles
Least Complicated-    Indigo Girls
Hide and Seek-    Imogene Heap
Silent All These Years-    Tori Amos
To Wish Impossible Things-    The Cure
All My Love-    Led Zeppelin
Vanilla Sky-  Paul McCartney
Booty Swing-    Parov Stelar
Closer to Fine-    Indigo Girls
Heart's a Mess-    Gotye
How Soon is Now-    the Smiths
Ramble On-    Led Zeppelin
Fade Into You-    Mazzy Star
Empty-    Ray LaMontagne
Take a Chance on Me-    Erasure
Sing Along-    Blue Man Group
Try a Little Tenderness-    Otis Redding
New Slang-    the Shins
If I had $1000000-    Bare Naked Ladies
Listening Wind-    Peter Gabriel
Mariposa Libre-  Sting
Pink Houses-    John Cougar Melloncamp
Under African Skies-    Paul Simon
Knuckle Too Far-    James
Wish You Were Here-    Pink Floyd
Please Please Please-   the Smiths
Wish I Could-    Norah Jones
Danzan Solas-    Sting
Landslide-    Fleetwood Mac
Io-   This Time Around
Loose Ends-    Sinead Lohan
Dumbing Down of Love-    Frou Frou
I Can See Clearly Now-    Johnny Nash
Diamonds on the Souls of Her Shoes-    Paul Simon
Walk Away-    the Cousins
Crazy-    Bare Naked Ladies
Diving to be Deeper-    Sinead Lohan
Be Here Now-    Ray LaMontagne
Tie Up My Hands-    Starsailor
Catgroove-    Parov Stelar
No Rain-    Blind Melon
I Love You-    Bare Naked Ladies
Have a Little Faith-    John Hyatt
Lullaby-   the Cure
Stone and a Feather-    Hoyt Axton
Positively Lost Me-    the Rave Ups
Mad About You-    Sting
Ice cream-    Sarah McLachlin
Oh Draw Me Lord-    Selah
Sittin on the Dock of the Bay-    Otis Redding
Me and Bobby McGee-  Janis Joplin
She Moves On-    Paul Simon
Sinkin Soon-    Norah Jones
My Moon My Man-    Feist
Say it to Me Now-    Swell Season
All I Want is You-    Juno Soundtrack
Can't Run But-    Paul Simon
I Would Walk 500 Miles-  Proclaimers
Sweet Jane-    Cowboy Junkies
Sometimes-    James
Come to Jesus-    Mindy Smith
Fool on the Hill-   Beatles
One-    U2
Gypsy Moth-    Hoyt Axton
Drown Out-    Swell Season
Crystal Blue Persuasion-    Tommy James and the Shondells
Peekaboo-    Siouxsie and the Banshees
Three More Days-    Ray LaMontagne
Emily's Song-    Moody Blues
Clint Eastwood-    Gorillaz
Don Quixote-    Gordon Lightfoot
Drifting Away-    Faithless
Personal Jesus-    Depeche Mode
Our House-   Crosby Stills Nash and Young
Because-   Beatles
Hallelujah-    Rufus Wainwright
All My Tears-    Selah
Holding Out for a Hero-  Frou Frou
In the Mood-    Robert Plant
Somebody-    Depeche Mode
Creep-    Radiohead
Thank You-    Led Zeppelin

you never really can go home

my childhood fav spot :(

This week I took my son to my favorite place from when I was growing up.  It's just down the hill from my parent's house, and an easy bike ride from there, maybe a quarter of a mile.  There was a little dirt path that went through ponds and creeks, until it all met at the river.  It was lush, green, a haven.

ugly freeway

One day they paved it to meet up with the greenbelt.   The greenbelt follows the river for about 21 miles in town.  It was designed for bicyclers and commuters. Luckily, this little offshoot was still a secret to most people, and even 5 years ago it was still a sacred safe spot to be in nature, even when they built the highway connector that goes right past it. 

pile of trees

But today-  wow!  Not only paved, but someone put up a chainlink fence on both sides, with razor wire no less!  To my horror, I saw they tore down the trees, dammed the water.  

 

now dams, once lush and beautiful

Wow.  I can't even imagine what business decided that was better than a beautiful spot near the river.  I had to blink back tears look through ugly chainlink, a view of what was once my own little paradise.  

 

train trestle

Thankfully, the view got better as we passed the train trestle to the river.  They haven't made the river illegal yet.   And the sign says you can still jump from the bridge down into the deep water, as long as you don't land within 50 feet of people floating in the water.

good swimming spot

 We walked along the greenbelt and found a nice place to picnic and wade in the water.  The river is so icy cold that we argued how many hours ago that same water was fresh snow.   I googled how cold the river is this time of year.  Even on a hot sunny 90 degree day, the water is only 41 degrees.  Yipe!! 

it is still pretty here

view of river

i tried so hard to fit in boxes

the lake near our house, at sunset

I was very sad to leave paradise.  I was beyond very sad, actually.  I didn't know how to come back and be a good American.  I don't fit in here, I never have.  I am doing better as a grown up, but only because I hide it better.  Now it's harder to hide it... my disdain for consumerism, tv, chemicals, shoes, roads, cars, the lack of connection, nature, humanity.  I believed I was going to curl up and die a few weeks ago; just weep salty tears until my body depleted itself, dissolved and disappeared.  

so pretty

I asked for the universe to fill me with love, and it did.  I am on a path, once again, of discovery and wonder, seeking beauty and truth.  We have been trying to adventure here, find places of beauty near us, and yes, to be barefoot.  I have been taking pictures to remind us that beautiful places are here as well.

I love the colors

Maybe it will be ok after all.  I just read a quote, "the most wonderful people are those who don't fit in boxes."  I used to be disappointed that I didn't fit in boxes. I tried so hard to fit in, to care about the same things those around me did, to not ask questions, to sit at a desk and have a "real job".  

But I always itched for something more real, more genuine, more meaningful.  I am certain my parents are still disappointed in me.  I realize I will never make them proud, not doing anything I am passionate about anyway.  They simply do not understand me.  I think I am ok with that, because finding my place in the world feels right.

and the silo in the background

Learning that adventures outside, being barefoot... being outside in nature, especially being near water,  helps me think more clearly, more free... feels like a balm.  Physically going to the mountains or lake (or paradise) helps my spirit and mind adventure too.  Being outside  of the box helps me think outside of the box.

I need to sleep under the stars.  I don't even own a tent these days (sold everything we had to get to go on our adventure).  Wondering if a tent would be a good investment, so I can go camping more?  A tent with all windows and screens so I can see the stars.  But then... why a tent at all?  (bugs of course!!)

okay, i guess it's almost paradise here

Payette River near Lowman

We went for a drive today to find hot springs.  Being outside and in nature is good for my soul.  I forget how beautiful it is, just an hour out of town.  The sky is blue, it's a sunny day, everything is beautiful.  I needed this.

bath house in the forest

view of hot springs and the river

hot springs pouring over into the river

yes, I'll sit here for the day :)

still sitting here :)

looking back the other direction

a deer!

closer pic of the deer

I would picnic in this spot

Snake River near Marsing

On another day, we adventured in a different direction.  It's still good to get out of town, and I do love the river.  Too bad it's so damn cold!  How can I swim in this?  This was snow water 2 hours upstream.  My toes are swearing at me already...  But I'm still grinning :)

my son, the fisherman

.

It is pretty, and smells lovely here

i am an infj

wish I could get the formatting to look the way I want it!! aargh :(

Don't judge me until you know me.   Here is one step towards getting to know me...

I am an INFJ-  the most rare personality type, gifted in ways that others are not

My meaning of life:  is to find the meaning of life.    

Other possible INFJs:  Ghandi, Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr  

I am: 

intuitive, sensitive, compassionate, wise

gentle, caring, complex, highly intuitive

seek intense, deep, authentic, meaningful relationships

seek meaning and purpose in everything

natural nurturer, patient, devoted, protective

genuinely warm, concerned for people’s feelings

uncanny insight into people and situations

orderly, systematic, creative, visionary

by definition, rare, reserved, and unlikely to initiate anything

protective of inner self, private, internal

deep, complex, difficult to understand

intimacy is nearly spiritual, passionate experience

selflessly give love, deep love, enjoy loving

sensitive to conflict, causes anger and illness

intense, tightly wound

perfectionist- hard on selves, not living up to potential

rarely at peace, try to grow, improve selves and world, are constantly in a state of self-renewal

deeply bonded to nature, being outside

INFJs are authentic, intuitive, caring, quiet and peace-loving.  They are also intricately and deeply woven and highly complex, mysterious, mystical.  They yearn to be understood, loved, and accepted as they are, in the way they deeply understand and accept others.  With an extremely high intelligence (genius) they are often very open-minded, selfless and non-judgmental of others.  INFJs have vivid imaginations and are the most poetic of all the types.  They are sometimes looked upon by others as naive, weak, or gullible, mostly because they are idealistic and try to see the good in all. 

INFJs are both creative and responsible, artistic and logical, spiritual and scientific, intuitive and analytic, because they have the ability to use both the left and right lobes of the brain equality and interchangeably, to think logically and artistically/abstractly.  (this ability is very rare and has powerful implications.)   They are on a lifelong search for unique identity and meaning; spirituality is important to them.  Everything is somehow connected to everything else, forming a vast and interconnected web.  They live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities - part of an unusually rich inner life - artistic. 

As friends:  INFJs can be pretty intense emotionally; they are easily hurt and feel very deeply.  Once an INFJ opens up to you and trusts you - it can be very intense.  They will often share their most intimate thoughts, visions and dreams.  It will feel like information overload to most, but if you are being trusted by an INFJ - feel honored.  They rarely trust people with their inner emotions and feelings.  You will find no one more committed to your friendship or a deeper more meaningful bond than with an INFJ.  An INFJ’s allegiance is no trifle. If an INFJ wants to stick by you, it means they really like you.  Do not violate that gift.

 

Around people:  In social situations, they are often uncomfortable. They can be easily overwhelmed when in a crowd or a large group.  They tend to be uncoordinated and are likely to bump into a table or trip on a step.  Their energy drains when around others. They will need time alone to re-charge and ‘feel like themselves’. 

As lover:  INFJs are passionate, deep and intense.  To reject an INFJ’s help is to reject their love, and one of the things they hold nearest to their hearts.  They strive to be authentic lovers capable of sustaining deep intimacy, treat spouse with sympathy, tenderness, and frequent expressions of love.  INFJ's expressions of affection will be subtle, taking a humorous, unexpected turn.  

At home:  INFJs need and want harmony in their homes and find constant conflict, overt or covert, extremely destructive to their psyches.  They care about everyone’s well-being and strive for peace.

As Parent:warm, caring, patient, inspirational, consistent;  help young souls become themselves

INFJ Success:  use very deep understanding of something to do a real service for someone; service to others   

speaking of shoes and staying off the grass...

 

Speaking of shoes... besides keeping warm of course, why do we wear shoes?  No other animals wear shoes.  Or clothes for that matter.  Was clothing designed to keep us ashamed of our bodies?  Or so we would spend more money on fashion... consumerism?

Shoes.  They are hard to walk in.  They make me clumsy.  I discovered after many weeks of being barefoot that shoes have a numbing effect on my senses.  It could other reasons, I suppose, but maybe, just maybe, shoes do numb our souls.  Rubber soles (ha! good pun, soles numbing souls) don't conduct energy.  How can we feel mother earth through shoes?  The vibrancy of life under our feet... we are numbed to it.

Literally and metaphorically, how can we be grounded if we can't touch the ground?

I wonder if someone has a plan to detach and disconnect us from the collective energy of the earth (and humanity).  Think about it.  Cars with windows rolled up, houses with doors closed (a/c), less porches, less neighborly chatting, less walking, less outside, more offices, less windows, more central air, less breezes, more tv, less crickets or rain...

 

And the most important connection of all, baby and mother through breastfeeding. The government has made it almost illegal to breastfeed. Someone wants us to buy (consumerism) formula (chemically created) to feed our babies with plastic bottles (more consumerism) which leads to less human connection and bonding.  How can this be a good thing?

Guess what else causes us to detach from the greater energy around us?  Flouride in the water.  Processed foods.  Chemicals in the air (chemtrails, pollution), GMO foods, immunizations.  Know what all these have in common?  Research them.  

(Here's a hint-  they are all desensitizers and mild sedatives.  Why would our government want us sedated and detached from humanity?  Hmmm.  Maybe they want us to be numb, complacent, docile, agreeable...?)

The child is grown, the dream is gone...  and I have become comfortably numb.