friends

Recently I have been feeling so thankful and blessed with the people in my life.  It feels like I am meeting more and more beautiful people; especially women.  I used to be intimidated by new clients (queasy nervous sweaty palms nauseous even!)  I suppose it's really just my improved attitude that has changed, or I am drawing more love into my world because I am putting out more love...  But I have met some of the most beautiful, tender, strong, amazing ladies lately.  I am honored they trust me, confide in me, share time with me, make space in their tight budgets to come see me... wow!

Today it occurred to me that the beauty of new friends is that they truly see you for who you are now, not who you were when you were 9 or 19 or even 39 (you know, hypothetically... wink wink)

I've learned that sometimes long term friends or family have a hard time growing with you.  Either they can't be objective, or it scares them to see you changing. I don't know why.  But I am beginning to like who I am, how I feel. I like being genuinely me and not trying to smash and stretch myself to fit into other people's expectations.  (of course I always knew this theoretically, but it feels good to know and believe it and live it).

Maybe before~ I was afraid to grow.  Or afraid that deep down I wasn't good enough and people would discover that I was a terrible fraud. Or that I was someone dark and ugly, pretending to be good.  But now I am just trying to grin, shrug my shoulders, and be real. No pretense, no trying to fit other people's judgments, no apologies for being beautifully human and imperfect.  I have no idea how it's working in the big picture, but I sure am a lot happier.