It's a full blue moon. Extra magical time, but doesn't feel as magical as the rest of my month.
Two months ago, my Medicine Woman friend (Soul Momma) and I did a breathing technique to manifest our own energy. We learned the technique from a video made by a Shaman in another country. We put our energy into a BEEB, bio-etheric energy ball. We breathed into the ball of energy formed in our hands, and asked the universe to bring us good news. We breathed the ball from our hands, out into the world. The sign we would see, to know it worked, was supposed to be a blue feather. Okaaaay. Weird. I did not believe it at all. I did it to humor her.
For weeks, I saw blue butterflies. Everywhere. In person, in the mountains, random people sent me pics of blue butterflies... so strange. Alas, no blue feathers. Soul Momma patted my head and joked, "that's ok little one. You are still learning." snort.
The next month, Soul Momma called me, so excited. Her Shaman friend was coming to town to give a talk on Native American Healing and Light Workers, which was only open by special invitation to Healers, Energy Workers, LightWorkers. She had wanted me to meet him for many months, and I was invited. When I arrived, Soul Momma rushed out, she was so delighted to show me something, she fell on the pavement. She grabbed my hand, and drug me inside. There, leaning against the wall, was the Shaman's staff... covered in blue feathers. Wow. Weird. We stood there breathing "wow".
The Shaman came around the corner, and he and I both stopped short, looking at each other with goosebumps. We knew each other. Somehow. From somewhere. (Later he had a hearty chuckle at my expense, when I asked him how we knew each other... and it was slowly dawning on me that it was not from this lifetime. He said many lifetimes, with a twinkle in his eye, while he was still chuckling.) So many things were familiar about him... his chuckle, his scent, his energy, his voice... the connection was dizzying.
During his talk, he gave everyone in the room a feather, and asked us to tap our skin and hands with the feather (which you could both hear and feel..., and it was strangely familiar). It's to remind us we have cellular memory of being spiritual divine beings before we came to earth. I was the only one in the room holding a blue feather. I asked Soul Momma if this was a trick... was she pranking me? She whispered "I wanted the blue feather." We giggled.
After the talk, he asked for all the feathers back. Except mine. He told me I needed to keep it, it was for spiritual ascension and connection. Oh. Okaaaaay. Weird. Then he asked for a volunteer, as he pulled me out of my chair, to the front of the room. I thought I might die of embarrassment, as I'm shy and incredibly uncomfortable in front of people. He motioned for me to lay on the massage table, on a big buffalo hide. Ew. I did not want to touch the hide :(
He wrapped me like a burrito (a buffalo burrito!) and did a short, gentle meditation. The buffalo hide, his voice, the energy, was astonishingly familiar! I was flooded with a rush of familiar sensations, deja-vu, the feel of the fur, the scent and warmth, being safe, then the sound of the feathers, another rush of familiar! Deja-vu of flying, having wings, of being somewhere before earth... Then the feathers on my skin- oh my that was so familiar it brought a lump to my throat and I had to choke back tears.
He returned two weeks later for a weekend training ,which amazingly, I was completely available for (really?? not a single thing on my schedule for 3 days on a July weekend??) He used my drum for the sacred healings. And when I received my full healing session on the table, the feathers took me out of body, and I met my spiritual family. They held me in their wings and we playfully tumbled in joy at being reunited; and flew together, and there was joy, and so much love! And more remembering of who they are and who I was, who I am. I want to feel them still, to remember my purpose, to feel my wings now. I cannot explain any of this to anyone, I sound like a raving lunatic.
I have been dizzy and unable to write since. The last few weeks have been intense and mind blowing. I have felt my heart swelling with intense and deep love, for myself, for him, for remembering. Not necessarily attraction, but definitely remembering and connection. The healing I received in his classes ... no words. It all feels like remembering.
Clearly, there are many signs this is the right path. I don't understand, my head is spinning and swimming, the human me can't comprehend all this. I can't deny that I feel all of it so strongly, I am beginning to remember... now what? How do I remember more? How do I unfold my wings? How can I stay connected with my spirit family? How can I hear their guidance?
What does it mean? I am dizzy, almost remembering some things, but not enough to make any sense, I want to shake my head and have the fog clear... I don't know who my guides are, I can't hear what they are saying, and I almost don't remember why I am here, or my purpose. My human brain can't comprehend what's going on at all. And it feels beautiful.
Perhaps he and I were together in another lifetime, or many lifetimes. He woke something in me. Not in a partner attraction sort of way, but a guide-partner. He had many messages for me that there is no other way he could have known... specific information that he couldn't have known otherwise. Things that would make no sense to anybody else for any reason. Like, "Spirit tells me to give you a message. The movie Michael? And smells like pie? I have no idea why I'm supposed to tell you this." And I tear up, the message is familiar to me because of someone else, whom I once loved. Okaaaaay.
At the end of classes, he told me he has never met someone with as pure energy as I have. He told me he can feel that I had enormous trauma as a child and a painful life, and that I had healed so much and transmuted all of it beautifully, and remained pure. He said that was incredibly rare on this planet, this level of pureness and good heart. He said my chakras were clear (except my crown chakra which was a traffic jam of new information coming in), my energy was beautiful, and to keep working with my animal totems to process all the downloads.
I said, "my animal totems?"
He looked shocked, so shocked that suddenly I was self conscious.
He asked, "you have done all this healing without knowing your spirit animal totems?!"
Um, yes.
"How about your spirit guides?"
Oh. I just found out about them yesterday.
He stood there with his mouth open and closing, while I stood there blushing.
He looked around the room, back at me, then around me, and said, "You have more guides than I have ever seen."
I do? Can you see them?
"Of course I can see them!"
Oh! Please tell me more. Who are my animal totems?
"I can't. That is your journey to meet them and know them. I can't believe you have done all this work without knowing your guides. Wow. Um, well, keep up the good work. Bye now."
He called me some weeks after the class to see how I was doing. I said I felt weird, my body feels weird, twitching, I can watch the muscles twitch and move, rolling up and down my body. There is light moving around my insides. And my heart is getting bigger it almost hurts. I was worried. I might be possessed or insane. He laughed and said that was wonderful. Okaaaay.
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