I'm climbing into bed, got home from Reiki with friends. What beautiful souls there, it's surreal being so safe and vulnerable with some people. H. wrapped her arms around me and rocked me, and held me while I cried, mourning the last of my inner child who has never been rocked or held safe. M and L held me too, comforted me, reassured me. How can I feel like a beautiful goddess coming into my own light and also small and vulnerable at the same time?
Two days ago my step mom hit me. Again. For the last time. Two days ago my dad wasn't there to protect me or stop her. I'm sad it came to that, for me to really see with new eyes what kind of people they choose to be. They will never see my gentle soul or love me. Now they won't see my son either, because she has scared him. He was there when it happened, he heard it. I won't continue to expose him to that kind of crazy (he gets enough trickle down affect from my childhood already).
This is not my family. Family doesn't hit each other. This is not my tribe. I want nothing more in any way from these people. Thank you for the lessons, it's time for me to cut ties now. It's time to be done with this dance of insanity.
Tomorrow I get my new driver's license, then it's my birthday. What will my new me be like? Strong, graceful, powerful, strong boundaries, loving, beautiful, strong boundaries, goddess of light on the divine path, the way of God. I surrender to this new path.
Guides, please protect me and my son. I'll do my best to surrender and trust this journey. Please keep us safe. Please help me to transform these lessons into something worth living for.
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