I have been back for almost a week. It has been a blur, starting the first day with car insurance so I could drive to the bank. But I couldn't pay for the car insurance til I went to the bank. Then I had to put fuel in the car too. And all the errands!!! Ugh! I simply hate driving; I always have. It's weird to me now to have to drive everywhere. Has anybody measured how much time they spend in their cars, as opposed to walking? I had really hoped to get by without a car here, but this city is just not designed for that.
Some people are still not speaking to me. Others are happy I am back, and have made me feel loved and appreciated. I have missed my clients, who are almost all friends by now after so many years. Now my heart overflows with love for them, and gratitude for their patience and loyalty.
They asked, "Had you lost your mind? Drugs? Drunk? Coerced?" No. I was entirely sober, no excuses. My son and I made all the choices together, given all of our options. We asked each other what would we regret least at the end of our lives? No regrets, the trip was very worth it. (had my people read my blog, they would have known every day that we were ok!!)
I reminded them that I have always been very well-behaved, and was an obedient and rather boring teenager. They said, "But nobody runs away when they are in their (late) 30s!!" Probably not. Most people self medicate, or self destruct, or have a nervous breakdown. We went on an extended vacation. Seemed like a good choice to us.
I woke up sad today. It's inexplicable to me. I spent yesterday with people who love me, doing hair, pampering ladies I love. I got hugs from 6 ladies, all moms and children, each happy to see me. Why would I wake up sad?
I have a lovely, perfect place to stay here. I am safe, money is starting to come in, I am near my son. The sky is blue, spring is coming, flowers are beginning to bud... but it's cold out. Too cold for a bike ride, no warm sand, no warm water. But I did get a bike, so it's a start.
Am I just in travel shock? Is it too much change? or drama? Am I scared? or lonesome? I do miss feeling blissful and content. I miss being outside. I miss one of my best friends (even though I have many dear friends here). I don't want to be sad now.
