dryad mystic ancient soul healer

Wondering what to do with my life. 

It seems everything I long for is against the American Way. 

Rent a house?  Commute?  Desk Job?  Bills?  TV?  The mall?  City?

All of it insults my soul.  Deeply.

I am a dryad, mystic, priestess, shaman, healer,

     ancient soul, pagan goddess, gaia spirit.   (medicine woman?)

How do I reconcile this deep longing with my lot in life?

How much do I concede so we can have a place to live,

     when jobs deplete my soul, the city suffocates me.

Please show me another way.

I do not see a path that has barefoot, 

     sleep in branches under the stars,

     wildflowers, meadows, growing my own food,

     helping others from my heart (not my wallet)

     painting, singing with the trees…

If I can’t ever be this, then I think I would rather die…

than suffocate at mindless, heartless jobs,

     contributing to a system I don’t believe in, that makes us slaves.

If I am truly an ancient magical powerful shaman woman,

then how can I manifest a different path?

How can I thrive in a world that values everything fake?

How do I fake it too?

And get by financially?

I am existentially lonely.  Truly very lonely.

For I life I don’t know how to achieve. 

I don’t know how to do this, I don’t know who to ask. 

The Universe?  Angels?

“Hey, how do I thrive in a 3D world that depletes me,

     insults every aspect of what I hold dear?”

I’m grieving and mourning everything I’ve never had in this life.

How do I turn that into hope? And a meaningful life?  An abundant life?

If I’m going to feel like this forever in this lifetime, then I want out.

Or show me another way.

Please.