i am a field of wildflowers

I went to meditate in the hot springs again today.  Something about the sun and water... makes me feel I'm home.

My intent today was to be fully healed, and ask the universe to release all the old programs I don't need anymore, and download the new programs I need to function in a higher vibration, embody love.

I laid in the sun and meditated about nature.  I am the breeze.  I am the ocean.  I am the sun, tree roots, dirt, lakes, stars, flowers!  Oh how I love flowers!  

I balanced my chakras, and then had the thought- what if all my chakras were flowers?  Red tulips, orange poppies, yellow forsythia and daffodils, pink magnolia blossoms and rose petals, pale blue violets, dark blue clematis, and purple lilacs...

I am not a little flower anymore.  I am a field of wild flowers!  

The breeze blows through me and my petals flutter in the wind, my colors dance in the sunlight. I am delicate and wild, strong roots, tenaciously and persistently bringing beauty to the earth.  

I am alive, strong, vibrant, colorful, beautiful, powerful in my gentleness.  My purpose is to be beautiful space, sacred nature, be the smile.

at the medicine wheel

Laying in the sun at the medicine wheel.  My tummy feels warm and sunny. If we are made of stars, we are the universe and the universe is in us.  

Then maybe there can be a bit of sun inside me.  Solar Plexus chakra is yellow, like the sun.  

When I meditate, I think of a fluid, cool stream flowing through my body, starting at my head, pouring all the way through, out my toes and fingers.  It calms me completely, and I feel deeply connected to the stream.  Maybe that's my inner eye, 6th chakra, connecting to the stream of consciousness?

My heart is pink, even though I try to picture green tendrils of leaves and vines, curls of new growth.  My heart feels like a star nursery, a pink stellar nebula.  Pleiades maybe. Pink and expansive, growing with love and life.  

My throat- light blue like the sky,

my truth and voice rise to the sky.  

7th crown chakra is dark violet, night sky, 

in space, the universe.  

My sacral chakra is orange

like a warm summer sunset.  

From my back on the warm rock at the medicine wheel I can see rose hips on the bushes, they are red.  New life is coming, the circle continues.  I am connected and I feel alive.

goddess

Today I hiked up a mountain and laid on a rock in the sun in the water (hot springs).  I tried to look up at the blue sky, but the sun lured my eyes closed.  I did reiki on myself, balanced my chakras with nature.  Throat chakra brought up many emotions. And tears.  I allowed them to well up, and asked anything that no longer serves me to be released into the sky and transformed with love.  

I felt the sun warming me through my solar plexus.  I am a sun goddess.  I felt my truth going into the sky.  I am a goddess of truth.  I felt the water moving around me.  I am in the water, the water is in me, a stream of consciousness inside and out.  I am a water goddess.  I felt universes and stars, constellations, nebulas shining toward me in a vast purple sky.  I am a goddess of the universe. 

I feel flowers blooming in me, little roots poking out my toes, into the earth, growing deeper and deeper through the loamy soil, digging to root my being with the heart of the earth.  I am an Earth goddess.  

My heart is so full of love.  I feel I could single-handedly change the world (and other days I walk into walls and  am humbled by how much there is to learn).  

I am connected and complete. 

inside out

"I hear the depths of a thousand hearts rhythmically beating with mine.  Love is letting Oneness vibrationally expand."  Millie Mestril

I do love this feeling of oneness, purpose, meaning.  The connection I always longed for is being revealed.  I imagine it has always been present, but I was looking elsewhere.  Now I am feeling it inside me, and finding hints of it in others.  Mostly I feel connected with nature- trees, plants, breeze, sunlight, water, stars.  That's when I feel closest to home.  Imagining or remembering something else... pink nebulas of warm star dust and energy of lightness, love, floating swirling, dancing in the air with a fluid ethereal wispy body, and wings.  I don't know for sure if I am remembering this or wishing, longing for it.  or both maybe?

I love this feeling of star bits inside me, and streams, rocks, sunlight, moonlight, breeze, nebulas, oceans, tree roots and leaves and tendrils...  I feel so connected, it makes sense.  This is the closest I have ever felt at home in my body.  

Oh the irony!!  Picturing all that is actually fluidly displacing my body, removing the walls, water, rippling out, expanding my edges, breezes coming through my skin, turning my hair into leaves, star light coming through my body which is now inside out... oh!  

And that is how the universe must come to rest inside me...  when I am inside out!  When I am inside out, my limits are infinite, and the outside turns in and I am swallowed by stars, and safely held in branches of trees, and I'm floating and tumbling swirling softly in the breeze all at the same time.

At home in my body only when I escape my body.  Interesting...

My heart beat, and the pulse heartbeat of the earth, and pulse of the sun, and pulse heartbeat of the stars in the sky-  all of it, every bit of it is connected and so very alive.  I am connected, and in awe of it.

together we cry

Laying on another rock in the sun, at the medicine wheel.  I pictured you coming to me.  You see I am vibrant, pulsing with life, stretching with love.  You see I am a sun water universe love earth goddess, glowing in the sun.  

You see I am crying.  Acknowledging all the hurts in my life and past lives.  You come to me and touch my face, kiss my tears.  Then I cry for your beautiful soul, and all your pain.  I kiss your tears. 

Together we cry for all the atrocities toward humanity.  We hold each other, the way all humans should be held.  And we vow to make a difference. Grow bigger, gentler, stronger, a difference for so many people.  We start to laugh because it is happening.  We are joyful and we celebrate.  Now we cry happy tears, for freedom, tolerance, abundance, joy, and love in the world.

musings about freedom

I want to live in a tree house 
and go barefoot and plant things.  
I want to sleep under the stars 
and swim in the ocean. 

I want to barter for what I need, 
in a community who values energy 
and life more than money. 

I want to live in a compassionate, fair society, 
or more likely, further away from people.  

I want to travel and have time to play.  

want to be free from debt, 
free from chains, 
free from obligations 
that don't make sense to me.  

I want to be free, safe, content, 
closer to nature, 
alive, vibrant, rich.  

I want to be guided by God, 
the universe, 
the way of light and truth and love.  

I ask for protection from all that harms me 
or doesn't serve me.  

disillusioned

I am sad beyond description.  I am angry at the world on so many levels!  I can't wrap my head (or heart) around a society that is so evil, mean, greedy, selfish, disconnected.  We should nurture and lift each other up; if we love each other and help each other, we all win.  Nobody seems to know this.

I am disillusioned about all of it. Food, chemicals, toys, plastic, commercials, media, war, lies, disconnect, famine, politics, pollution, mean people, control, expectations, forced into boxes, desks, shoes, working instead of being with your own children, divorce, marriage, loneliness, being different, being sensitive, malice, corruption, government, cement, struggling so hard financially and never catching up...

I'm sure I am growing.  But what for?  What is the point of being knocked down over and over? I haven't yet gained footing or the strength to function, much less deal with my own issues and baggage, not to mention making a difference in the world in any way.  

What am I supposed to be learning?  What is the lesson?  Please tell me it gets better than this.