i tried so hard to fit in boxes

the lake near our house, at sunset

I was very sad to leave paradise.  I was beyond very sad, actually.  I didn't know how to come back and be a good American.  I don't fit in here, I never have.  I am doing better as a grown up, but only because I hide it better.  Now it's harder to hide it... my disdain for consumerism, tv, chemicals, shoes, roads, cars, the lack of connection, nature, humanity.  I believed I was going to curl up and die a few weeks ago; just weep salty tears until my body depleted itself, dissolved and disappeared.  

so pretty

I asked for the universe to fill me with love, and it did.  I am on a path, once again, of discovery and wonder, seeking beauty and truth.  We have been trying to adventure here, find places of beauty near us, and yes, to be barefoot.  I have been taking pictures to remind us that beautiful places are here as well.

I love the colors

Maybe it will be ok after all.  I just read a quote, "the most wonderful people are those who don't fit in boxes."  I used to be disappointed that I didn't fit in boxes. I tried so hard to fit in, to care about the same things those around me did, to not ask questions, to sit at a desk and have a "real job".  

But I always itched for something more real, more genuine, more meaningful.  I am certain my parents are still disappointed in me.  I realize I will never make them proud, not doing anything I am passionate about anyway.  They simply do not understand me.  I think I am ok with that, because finding my place in the world feels right.

and the silo in the background

Learning that adventures outside, being barefoot... being outside in nature, especially being near water,  helps me think more clearly, more free... feels like a balm.  Physically going to the mountains or lake (or paradise) helps my spirit and mind adventure too.  Being outside  of the box helps me think outside of the box.

I need to sleep under the stars.  I don't even own a tent these days (sold everything we had to get to go on our adventure).  Wondering if a tent would be a good investment, so I can go camping more?  A tent with all windows and screens so I can see the stars.  But then... why a tent at all?  (bugs of course!!)