spiritual tantrum

I've been struggling for answers
a clearer path, a simpler way.
I have longed for and asked for this.

Please show me what I need to know.
"I'm showing you."  (higher self)

I don't understand.
"Be still.  I'm trying to explain"  (higher self)

This doesn't make any sense!!
"It will.  Hold on.  I'm showing you."

This is frustrating!  I hate it!
"Stop screaming and thrashing!
I am trying to show you gentler answers!"

Me- throwing symbolic tantrum,
like a cat being stuffed into a cat carrier,
claws gripping doorways, hissing,
clawing things.
"Are you done now?"

Me- glaring, panting, fingers white
from trying to grip anything, everything,
hair tangled, sweaty frenzy...
"Are you ready to listen now?
I'm trying to show you a simpler way!"

Me- pouting.  I guess so.  If I have to.
"Oh my gawd!"  (higher self rolls her eyes)

Sometimes we fight each other.
It's immature.
I'm still learning.
Being human is not easy.