Strange how something, such as a feeling or a voice, can rattle around in your head for years, and even IF you become aware of that little negative voice, you still have to wrestle it into silence. I wonder why I even try to reason with it anyway? Where did that self-sabatoging "self" come from? How did it get in my head? Who let it in? or worse, invited it in?
A friend told me something so simple, yet profound. An utter lightbulb, forehead slapping aha moment. "That isn't YOUR voice. It's someone else's, maybe your parents. It doesn't belong to you, isn't part of you. Its a rodent, a pest. Don't let it run amok in your head. Tell is to behave or it can't stay. Tell that voice to be positive, or you will lock it up in a box in your head. (figuratively) Give it a time out."
Know what? I love knowing that the negative voice doesn't belong in there, and the vivid visual image of taking that nasty intruder, grabbing it by the scruffy neck, and putting it in a dark box.
Now that I am becoming aware of the negativity running amok in my head, I am learning to see the difference and am learning to separate my true self from those rodents who whisper and chatter.... "you aren't good enough... you messed up... you are a failure... you are unloveable... you are worthless... " Negative rodents indeed-- I had a full infestation and needed an exterminator!!
It's hard work, becoming aware of them, finding them, catching them, telling them to behave or get in their cages. Or better yet, telling them they are at the wrong address, and are not welcome here. GET OUT!!
I don't want to lock up all the windows and doors of my heart, put brick walls around myself, to protect me from negative invader thoughts. So maybe I shall consider putting up some screens, so the air and music, breeze and starlight, love and life, can still come in, and I can still move freely within myself.
Its a big job, this extermination business.
No comments:
Post a Comment