Today is equinox. It's supposed to be a time of balance, harmony, reaping the benefits of all our hard work. I spent some time considering what to send out to the universe and what to be grateful for. I want to wish for abundance, even if it feels greedy to say that. Abundance for all the ways I share and help others. Abundance would allow me to do even more, and the peace of mind not to be as stressed and tired.
Fall is sad to me. Autumn. Every year it feels like the end, as though everything is dying. Nothing truly dies of course, I know this
at some level. Everything slows down, even energy seems to vibrate slower, hibernating.
I don't know which is more lonesome for me, being around people, or being alone. I want to go home, and I don't know where home is. A before this life home? Someplace (or every place) that feels deep, rich on many levels, not empty or shallow and heavy like earth.
I am trying to remember to ground, plug in...the days go so fast, so much to do, I don't have time to reflect and write, garden, walk, sing...
This is not the life I want. I want more love, light, air, earth, stars, time, floating and swinging in the hammock, swimming, sunning, more time to find joy.
I feel far away from Source, from the universe, from connected, divine, truth. I miss the warmness of awareness, the light floating of all space, being inside out and outside in, all is one, near is far and far is near, all at once. That place where everything makes sense in truth.
I really am trying to be grateful here in this time, in this life... but it feels oh so empty comparitively. How do I connect and bring it inside me? Remember the all and light without feeling homesick?
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